Super Nanny? No thanks.

Claire's dad and I have been doing the "Shared Parenting Plan" for almost 2 years now. I hate that Claire has to be shuttled back and forth, back and forth. But at least it's really all she knows. She's too young to remember the time when Mommy & Daddy & Claire all lived together as one "happy" family before her world was suddenly ripped apart.

Lately, I'm wondering if she will ever get used to it all. She's 2 1/2, which is an experience all on it's own, much less adding living in two houses and having two separate families to the mix. Currently, Claire and I live with my parents and have for two years now- something that can be looked at as a blessing or a curse, depending on what day you ask me. (Don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate all that they have done for us and continue to do, but come on- it definitely has it's down sides. Sometimes I can't help but feeling like Grandma is trying to be Mom.) On the other side, Claire's dad stayed in our apartment for a few months after we split, then moved to his parents, and has recently moved into his girlfriend's-- oh, excuse me-- his fiance's house. Now they're this happy little family, playing house with my daughter when she's there.

Claire is my perfect little angel during the week with me, such a big girl for 2 1/2-- sweet, helpful, caring, listens well, everything a mommy could ask for. Then. She goes to her dad's for the weekend. Every other weekend, she leaves on Friday evening and comes back Sunday evening. On the opposite Fridays, she goes to spend the day with him. And when she comes back? Most of the time I think that he brought the wrong kid back. She's whiny, over tired because she more than likely didn't nap for the entire time or at least most of the time she was there, cranky, and down-right mean. She comes back like a teenager, constantly saying "no!", swatting at everyone to hit them, doesn't listen to a single thing she is told-- you get the picture. It literally takes me about 3 days on average to "retrain" her to how she is supposed to behave, and let me tell you, it's a rough 3 days for both of us. She spends a lot of time in time-out and I spend a lot of time crying after-hours. Three days of hard work and raw emotion to have "my" Claire back for a day and then the cycle starts all over again when she goes back to her dad's.

At this point, I am soooooo frustrated and so torn! I know that I have to keep my rules and my expectations as they have always been. And I do. But when she comes home after two full days away and is so rotten tired because of her dad's parenting decisions, I start to find it hard to "get tough" or "get my bluff in on her" (as some have stated) for being tired when it's not her fault to begin with. How is it fair to either one of us to punish her for something that she can't change, something that someone else decides for her?! She comes home after two days away and wants her mom and comfort, even if it means that she's a little emotional and might cry over something stupid like Pa eating a piece of cheese that she thought was hers. She's two and a half people-- those kind of things tend to upset a small child. Yes, try to explain it to her, but do not get upset with her-- she doesn't know!! Don't we all have moments like that where we're exhausted, we just want whatever our comfort item is, and so what if we cry a little over something stupid? We all have moments like that at one point or another, so don't belittle a child for feeling the same way!!

The people who seem to want to make comments constantly to put me down and make me sound (and not to mention feel) like a bad parent only see bits and pieces of her behavior. They aren't at home with Claire & I during the day and they certainly don't see her behavior then. Like any SAHM and child, we have our bad days. But 98% of the time, she is fine at home with me. I have no problem "keeping her under control". She steps out of line and she gets a crack on the butt and/or a time out. So... later in the day, I DO NOT need a Super Nanny wanna-be hanging over my shoulder directing me on what I should do next. Surprisingly enough, that only makes the whole situation worse!! *Gasp* Go figure!

It's a vicious cycle and it's one that I hope ends soon. I hate that my little girl has to go through this and I hate that I have to either be the bad guy to Claire or look like the bad parent to outsiders.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

I would like to wish everyone a very blessed and safe holiday.

Merry Christmas from Jessica & Claire!

5 Things I Love About Being A Mom

In the middle of the "Terrible Two's" stage, I have to constantly remind myself of what I love the most about being a mom. From looking at other blogs, I have discovered this thing called "Around the World in 80 Clicks!" The idea is for moms around the world to share five things that they love about being a mom. Most entries that I have read focus on the philosophical aspect-- that it has taught them patience, brought them closer to their own parents, etc. While those things remain true for many of us, I'm going to share with you the things that I love the most about being a mom:

1. Claire's giggles that are followed by belly laughs every time the "tickle monster" makes an appearance. She is the only child I know who asks to be tickled!

2. The beautiful sparkle in my daughter's eyes when she smiles.

3. The sound of her little voice saying "mommy". Nothing else beats it!

4. Her unconditional love- even after I've put her in time out, she runs to me with open arms, a huge hug and a wet kiss.

5. Finally understanding what it means to say that my heart hurts. I never ever imagined how much I could possibly love my little girl, and my heart actually hurts with so much love when I look at her.

I challenge all moms reading this blog to also share the top 5 reasons that you love being a mom!

Motherhood Brings Meaning

from "The Little Book on Meaning" by Laura Fortgang

It's long been assumed that motherhood brings meaning to our lives. We guide, love, nurture and support our offspring and sometimes feel appreciated in return -- all elements that can fuel our connectedness and satisfaction in the world. It's easy to find meaningful moments as a mom, but it's when things are tough that it seems we don't know how to interpret what meaning is. What if the greatest reward and meaning of being a mother is the growth our children force us to do?

Being a parent is a very hard job no matter how you slice it, but to further the true blessing that children are is to work equally hard on being conscious and mindful of the growth our kids call forth in us. Perhaps your patience needs work or your critical side needs to be quieted or you need to learn compassion or you could stand to give up some perfectionism. Parenting in a kind and loving way can only come if we face these issues in ourselves. Maybe this is the true meaning behind being in relationship with these souls.

Meaningful connections as mothers? Certainly! Always a sunny, easy ride? Hardly ever! Our children are in reality ministers to our soul's growth. They have a higher calling then whatever their careers turn out to be. We have to let our little ministers to their very big work. Even if we, their mothers, are the greatest work they came to transform.

The Most Gorgeous Lil Elf This Side of the North Pole!

Wanted to share Claire's Christmas 2009 pictures....

Potty Training

Potty training is sooooo much harder than I ever thought it would be for Claire! She started off a year ago by going potty for the first time and I thought "Great! This will be a sinch!" Not so much. There has been so much inconsistency between being at home, being at her dad's and being at school a few days a week that she just doesn't seem to care. I tried the treat thing. I'm trying the sticker reward chart right now-- go pee pee and get one sticker; go poop and get two-- fill up the whole chart and you get something special! That started off good, but has kind of come to a halt. She pretty much just wants to sit there and goof around instead of actually going potty. She is starting to show a little more bladder control- staying dry during naps or for a several hour stretch at at time. So when I realize that she's been dry for a while and probably should have peed by then, I try to get her to go potty. She tries. She doesn't go. Then within 5 minutes of putting her pull-up back on, she pees in it. Now that I'm off school for a month, I'm going to really try to crack down, but I'm starting to feel pretty frustrated. Thinking about maybe putting the thick cotton training underwear on her instead of the pull-ups and if she pees in them then she will realize that she doesn't like that, but that is a LOT of clean-up if she doesn't catch on quickly. Aurgh!!! Any suggestions moms??

Sleigh Bells Ring, Are Ya Listenin...?

Claire & I spent about two weeks talking about Santa Clause. I kept telling her that we were going to go visit him soon and she was totally excited! So the day came last Sunday. In the car on the way, she told me that she was going to ask Santa for new toys, books, and a baby doll. Claire & I stood in line at the mall and she watched in amazement as each child climbed up on his lap. I asked her repeatedly if she was going to sit on his lap just like they were. Her eyes grew big with excitement and vigorously nodded a "yes!" each time. Then, it was our turn. Three feet away, however, Claire put on the brakes and she refused to go any closer, much less sit on his lap like she said she would. She didn't say a single word until she barely whispered "Thank you" for the candy cane he handed her. The next day, all she could talk about was that she visited Santa.

This is Claire visiting Santa last year:

And THIS was Claire visiting Santa this year:

Terrible Two's

I started this blog several months ago, foolishly thinking that I would have the time to keep up with it. Ha. As soon as my first semester of nursing school started, any ideas that I had for blog topics were hurriedly pushed to the back of my mind and replaced with nursing care plans, diagnoses, and dosage calculations. Now that the semester has drawn to an end, I have pulled out those ideas, dusted them off, and now I'm ready to talk....

Let me just start with this "Terrible Two" thing. WHAT is this?! WHEN did my sweet lovable little angel turn into a terror with evil eyes and the attidude and temper of a pre-teen?! WHERE did she learn to respond with a "no" by saying "Nooo-ahh"?! Just the other day, I cut her hot dog in half on the bun, just as I always do so she can hold it easier, and you would have thought the world came to an end. She was seriously traumatized by my action and cried-- really cried-- for a good several minutes. She now will tell me something and say "Look at me. Understand me?" Ohhhh and just today she responded to something I told her by saying "You want a knuckle sandwich?" while holding her fist out. WHAT?! Girfriend, you better put that thing away. She's like a 16 year old girl in the middle of p.m.s. and it's like constantly walking on eggshells around her. It's no telling what will set her off. She has been put in time out so many times over the last few months that I don't even have to tell her to go sit in time out. She sees the look on my face and puts herself in time out. It's hard for her... there is so much inconsistency between being at home, being at "school", and being at her dad's and/or her other grandma's house. I know she's two and the tempers are going to happen. But oh. My. God. If what everyone says about the threes being worse is true, I just can't imagine it and boy do I dread it!

Do you have Terrible Two's stories to share? I'd love to hear them!