Super Nanny? No thanks.

Claire's dad and I have been doing the "Shared Parenting Plan" for almost 2 years now. I hate that Claire has to be shuttled back and forth, back and forth. But at least it's really all she knows. She's too young to remember the time when Mommy & Daddy & Claire all lived together as one "happy" family before her world was suddenly ripped apart.

Lately, I'm wondering if she will ever get used to it all. She's 2 1/2, which is an experience all on it's own, much less adding living in two houses and having two separate families to the mix. Currently, Claire and I live with my parents and have for two years now- something that can be looked at as a blessing or a curse, depending on what day you ask me. (Don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate all that they have done for us and continue to do, but come on- it definitely has it's down sides. Sometimes I can't help but feeling like Grandma is trying to be Mom.) On the other side, Claire's dad stayed in our apartment for a few months after we split, then moved to his parents, and has recently moved into his girlfriend's-- oh, excuse me-- his fiance's house. Now they're this happy little family, playing house with my daughter when she's there.

Claire is my perfect little angel during the week with me, such a big girl for 2 1/2-- sweet, helpful, caring, listens well, everything a mommy could ask for. Then. She goes to her dad's for the weekend. Every other weekend, she leaves on Friday evening and comes back Sunday evening. On the opposite Fridays, she goes to spend the day with him. And when she comes back? Most of the time I think that he brought the wrong kid back. She's whiny, over tired because she more than likely didn't nap for the entire time or at least most of the time she was there, cranky, and down-right mean. She comes back like a teenager, constantly saying "no!", swatting at everyone to hit them, doesn't listen to a single thing she is told-- you get the picture. It literally takes me about 3 days on average to "retrain" her to how she is supposed to behave, and let me tell you, it's a rough 3 days for both of us. She spends a lot of time in time-out and I spend a lot of time crying after-hours. Three days of hard work and raw emotion to have "my" Claire back for a day and then the cycle starts all over again when she goes back to her dad's.

At this point, I am soooooo frustrated and so torn! I know that I have to keep my rules and my expectations as they have always been. And I do. But when she comes home after two full days away and is so rotten tired because of her dad's parenting decisions, I start to find it hard to "get tough" or "get my bluff in on her" (as some have stated) for being tired when it's not her fault to begin with. How is it fair to either one of us to punish her for something that she can't change, something that someone else decides for her?! She comes home after two days away and wants her mom and comfort, even if it means that she's a little emotional and might cry over something stupid like Pa eating a piece of cheese that she thought was hers. She's two and a half people-- those kind of things tend to upset a small child. Yes, try to explain it to her, but do not get upset with her-- she doesn't know!! Don't we all have moments like that where we're exhausted, we just want whatever our comfort item is, and so what if we cry a little over something stupid? We all have moments like that at one point or another, so don't belittle a child for feeling the same way!!

The people who seem to want to make comments constantly to put me down and make me sound (and not to mention feel) like a bad parent only see bits and pieces of her behavior. They aren't at home with Claire & I during the day and they certainly don't see her behavior then. Like any SAHM and child, we have our bad days. But 98% of the time, she is fine at home with me. I have no problem "keeping her under control". She steps out of line and she gets a crack on the butt and/or a time out. So... later in the day, I DO NOT need a Super Nanny wanna-be hanging over my shoulder directing me on what I should do next. Surprisingly enough, that only makes the whole situation worse!! *Gasp* Go figure!

It's a vicious cycle and it's one that I hope ends soon. I hate that my little girl has to go through this and I hate that I have to either be the bad guy to Claire or look like the bad parent to outsiders.